Sister's Big Plan

This is my first official fast for Ramadan. As a diabetic, I was told never to fast because it would make me ill. However, with development of DNA insulin this has meant that I am now able to fast.

Basically, insulin can be split into two. Background insulin, which covers sugars that the liver dumps, and quick acting insulin, which is used for carbohydrates that I eat. So, to fast I have to take my background and quick acting insulin at sahoor. It is important that I take my background insulin at set times so 4am and then again at 8pm in order to keep my sugars stabilised. I do not need to take any more insulin until Iftar. It is important that if you are a diabetic, you understand your illness and seek medical advice before fasting.

I had a few teasing problems with getting the right amount of insulin into my system which meant I haven’t been able to fast some of the first 15 days of Ramadan. I started having low blood sugars, which meant I had to break my fast otherwise Allah (SWT), would consider it to be invalid.

I’ve felt left out during Ramadan for the obvious reason that my diabetes wouldn’t allow me to fast. I wanted to feel that hunger, patience, experience what the poor go through, self-control and importantly being close to Allah (SWT). At one point, I felt a fraud because I found it hard to do 20 taraweh prayers even though my belly was full all day from enjoying all the wonderful food my parents prepared. Now that I more empowered myself with the knowledge of the deen, I believe that my illness was given to me for a reason especially in helping others who cannot afford insulin. I also realised that Allah (SWT) forgave me and others with illnesses especially to ease possible hardship. It is all about the intention and wanting to better oneself as a Muslim but without putting oneself in danger.

May Allah (SWT) make this Holy and best of all months a blessed one for all the Ummah. May Allah (SWT) accept everyone’s fast, prayers, duas, sadaqah and zakat. May Allah (SWT) make us stronger and better Muslims. May Allah (SWT) send us all to jina faradous. Ameen.

I’m bored out of my wits end and don’t have the confidence to take on extra work in case my manager abuses my honesty. I also get quite bored between 6 and 8pm. I really don’t want to start watching the Wonder Years with my sister (which starts at 7pm) because Kevin over analyse situations and I find the whole show rather depressing!! However, my sister sees the funny side of his dilemmas including being in love with his teacher, while my grandmother who doesn’t understand English thinks its all terrifying bad education especially when she sees Kevin looking at his teacher in a loving way. She then asks whether British education system encourages such behaviour and if we have fallen in love with our teachers? So, I’m thinking, Big Sis why don’t you do something worthwhile?

I’ve got a collection of books, which need to be read, however, I’m currently reading the Sealed Nector. I’m enjoying this book, which has made me cry, but I still can’t get into books. I feel that it takes me quite a lot to concentrate on a book because I analyse states and situations. It’s a habit, which leaves me reading a book for months! I’m not exaggerating, I started re-reading the Quran last Ramadan and I’m now on Surat 30. I don’t think I will finish the Quran to restart it for Ramadan. The irony of this is that I love being surrounded by books and their stories.

I think for me visualising something is more interesting and appealing than reading it. That’s probably why I love the cinema so much. However, I want my life to be more interesting than TV and cinema! I’m trying to take a new approach to life, career and ambitions and that is to question whether I’m doing something for others or myself. I want to be happy and content with my decision making process but I think this is a journey which will take more practice. So as I make those life decisions inshaAllah, I make them for the best.

As we have entered the Month of Shaban lots of thoughts are coming to my mind regarding how I can improve myself as a Muslimah and become closer to Allah. Shaban is an opportunity to prepare oneself for Ramadan. The Prophet (PBUH) used to fast all of Shaban. “I never saw the Messenger of Allah, fasting in a month so profusely as he did the month of Shaban. He used to fast in that month leaving only a few days, rather, he used to fast almost the whole of the month”. (Reported by Aisha RA).

I think the best place to start is to examine how you pray. Ensure that your wudu follows the proper etiquettes and that you are following the right procedures for praying. One can increase the amount of time spent reading the Qu’ran (i.e.10 minutes a day and then keep increasing it) and making dikka. There is a fantastic pocket size dua book called Fortress of a Muslim which has duas ranging from when you feel pain to when it rains which one can start using if they want to have wider knowledge of the kind of duas one can make especially during Ramadan.

Use the opportunity Shaban brings to seek more knowledge. If you haven’t read it, try and get a copy of the Sealed Nector, which is a biography of the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) life and is critically acclaimed by scholars. Shaban is an opportunity to examine oneself and reflect on past mistakes. Don’t dwell too much on the mistakes but use this thought process as a way to move forward and stop them happening again inshaAllah. I suppose for me its about the small things like not wearing my hijab when opening the front door or uncontrollably judging someone for wearing tight clothes with hijab! InshaAllah, I will continue to try and stop myself from doing these things and remember that in particular that this sister may have a stronger imam than I do!

Night of Bara’ah or ‘the night of freedom from the fire’ falls on 15th day of Shaban; Allah (SWT) comes down to the lowest heaven and asks his servants –“Is there any person repenting so that I forgive him, and any person seeking provision so that I provide for him, and any person with distress so that I relieve him, and so on until dawn”. (Reported by Ibn Majah) This is an opportunity to ask for forgiveness, make dua for good health, happiness and things you, your family and the Ummah needs in this life and the hereafter. This is a fantastic opportunity to revive the spirit and renew our closeness to Allah (SWT). May Allah accept your prayers, duas and intentions in this Holy Month.

My best friend recommended that I try and find a way to release my blues but in a constructive manner. She suggested I should think more about my senses to see how best I could utilise them in order to feel less like throttling my manager and more like drawing a picture of butteries to release my misery energy. What’s yours? What senses do you use the most: Visual? Maybe it’s drawing or doodling? Aural? Maybe its music or singing or nasheeds. Is it sensual? Maybe it’s massage, breathing or meditation. However, my best friend’s advice came with a caution: She wouldn't recommend taste, as one could use it to substitute food for work because one can get so bored. This could then lead to health problems, as one is more likely to want a sugar fix than a fruit fix.

I may need to try a few things like writing more for my blog to see whether that really helps. I love chatting and getting things out. However, my manager does see eye to eye on me going off to chat to work colleagues even though I get my work done and it’s also important to have regular breaks away from my computer. Alhamdulliah.

I’ve been trying to finds in which to express myself constructively. I have thought about boxing (my brother has the whole gear at home.) I haven’t done it long enough to see if it works – However, it made me mad about people, which was not really getting me anywhere. I really want to join the gym. My husband laughs at me when I say that as last time I went which was 9 months ago I complained of so many pains that I never returned. Everyone, including my doctors keep telling me I need to exercise more! Well, I have a problem as last time I went to the gym, the male instructor kept touching my legs and arms to get me in the right positions for the routines but I didn’t have the confidence to tell him to get lost! It’s hard to find a gym near me that caters to Muslim women. There are some but that are too far away! I need to come up with a plan where I can attend my local gym and feel secure in the fact that I’m not jeopardise my security as a Muslim woman. Suggestions welcome.

At the moment, I am very much into films and restaurants (well the food in them!!). So maybe I can find my mojo through my visual and taste senses. I recently watched The Happening (Director M. Night Shyamalan of “Sixth Sense” and my personal favourite, “Signs”). I was kind of disappointed by the movie especially of generally what was happening to the people (I don’t want to spoil for those who may wish to see it). Also, it didn’t have the big revelation at the end which is what Shyamalan is good at. Shyamalan recently said in an interview that he was inspired by the film The Birds which basically uses the strategy of continuous tension and suspense to engage the audience but has no major revelation in the film. It basically meant to make people to pick up a popcorn and never put it down. A friend advised me to start doing reviews for films but for me that takes the joy of watching them. I don’t like the idea of analysing something in order to come up with a clever critical analyse of it. Also, I have this thing of seeing work as being a mundane task which if I started reviews would take the fun out of watching films. However, being the optimistic person that I am maybe I will become a film critic but for halah films.

I’ve been pondering for a few weeks about my decision making process. I noticed a pattern in that when the going gets tough, I get going! My sabr seems to be the size of a goldfish when it comes to difficult situations, which has landed me in hot water.

I took a step back and sat with a friend to help me analyse the reasons for my mad decision-making. This is what we came up with:

1. I do far too much for my family
2. I’ve allowed my family to rely on me to do the silliest things like organise and buy plane tickets, make appointments with doctors!!
3. I’ve not allowed other things in my life to empower me like my education and career.
4. I have not learned to say ‘no’ enough.
5. I use the problems I face with my family as an excuse to quit my education and job.
6. I need to realise that the pressure at home is far too much and that anyone in situation would have cracked by now!
7. I need to focus on me me me
8. I need to disassociate myself from many of my family’s problems.
9. I need to find the right opportunity to move out and not use the excuse of my family being too much as this is counter productive as the real problem is how I’ve allowed them to affect my life. This will also leave a bad feeling in my heart and won’t really solve the underlying problem.
Way forward – A few suggestions:

1. Understand my mistakes.
2. Learn to grow.
3. Feel positive about who and what I am.
4. Say positive things about myself as putting myself down will just make me less confident.
5. Stop listen to that annoying gremlin on my left shoulder who keeps breaking my confidence and self-esteem.
6. Strength my Imam.
7. Turn to Allah.
8. Be a better wife.
9. Travel to other countries.
10. Stop hating my manager.
11. Stop always giving people advice and let them learn for themselves.
12. Go on a mediation course.
13. Get my own place.

This list will keep growing and InshaAllah I can fulfil them ALL.

Try and make a list of your own.

I’ve just come back from a trip to Morocco that has left me slightly exhausted but has managed to fulfil a certain whole in my heart!

The purpose of my trip was two folds. Firstly, to see whether I could adopt a baby and fulfil my ambition of being a mother and also gain a wonderful hasana from Allah (TWT). Secondly, my grandmother was becoming seriously ill and I wanted to see whether I could help her out.

I did some research on the adoption procedure and the main issue was getting a Home Study Report from the UK. Unfortunately, British law lacks the compassion and drive to help couples adopt more easily and quickly. There are stringent procedures local authorities must follow which include having to intrude and investigate almost every aspect of a couples life before approval can be give to adopt a child. However, the chances of approval are not very high and can take up to a year to get this report. However, as a Muslimah, what brings me comfort in circumstances beyond my control is the fact the if Allah wants me to have something then no one can take it away from me. I just need to keep reminding myself of this.

I wanted to keep the purpose of my trip private due to the sensitive natures involved. However, once my aunt found out, it didn’t take long for the whole family to know. Allah (TWT) gave me a sense of peace because I had nothing to be ashamed of as only Allah (TWT) can give me a child. My family were supportive of my situation and reminded that I should sabr as I am still young and Allah (TWT) would grant me my own child. However, my feelings on this subject had become deep in that I wanted to adopt a child and show it love. I also wanted this feeling to bring me closer to Allah (TWT). I have to say that I did feel I was rushing into things in that I needed to prepare more before adopting a child as the suit case of baby clothes, dummies, a pram, baby car seat and love was not enough. However, I wanted to explore my options and let Allah lead me to the straight path.

Before I left I had a silly plan of how I would bring the baby over but part of me believed that it would be haram even though my intentions were honourable. So, I wanted to make sure I did everything the halah way. Within 2 days of my arrival in Morocco, I arranged with my Uncle to visit the adoption agency to see what documents were needed to adopt a child. The procedure seemed straightforward in that the couple had to be married, working, have a place to live and no criminal records. The papers would then be forwarded to the Court for approval and this would have taken a few months. Then the exciting bit happened, I was escorted to the orphanage to meet the children. I met 2 baby girls, 4 baby boys, 5 male toddlers, 1 handicapped boy and a 5 year old girl. It was wonderful! The first child I met was Aniss. He was a 6 month old boy who was crying in a pram. As soon as I ran up to him and lifted him up he stopped crying and started smiling and hugging me. It was such a beautiful moment. His smile lit up my heart and caused my whole body to smile. It was a blessing from Allah (TWT). I didn’t want to let him go but I also wanted to hug the other babies. They were all beautiful with their own sad stories. Aniss in particular was left under a tree to die before a stranger found him and took him to the orphanage. One of the baby’s was left at the orphanage by his mother who had suckled him for a few weeks and realised that without a father she could not financially take care of him. The carers at the orphanage begged her to take her son and even cried when she left, as they knew that the baby had bonded with its mother, which would leave him with a pain greater than the other babies. When I met this particular baby, it was still evident that there was some pain left within him even after a few months of being in the orphanage because when I put him down he started crying. He was anxious to be held, loved, wanted and cuddled. May Allah grant him and all orphans peace and a wonderful life.

My final stop in my investigation to adopt a child was at the British Embassy in Tangier. I wanted to see whether there was a more straightforward way of bringing a baby over without the need for a Home Study Report. Apparently, if Morocco had signed the Hague Convention then there was a possibility that I would not need this report. My hopes for adopting a child came to an end at the Embassy as there was no short cuts or easy solutions but to get this report. The Embassy did advice me to go ahead with the adoption and leave the baby with my family until I received the report. That was too horrible of a solution for both the baby and I. I would never have been able to tear myself away from my baby. However, I was not too heartbroken, a bit sad, a few tears but a sense of relief that I had gone about things the right way. InshAllah when I am ready I will try to get this report and adopt a child. I had at least tried.

This trip did have its ups and downs. However, the downs are overshadowed by the fact that I had a positive experience meeting these kids on several occasions even once with my husband. He found it too painful to return, as one child didn’t want to let him go when he left the orphanage. One of the sad things that is happening is the 2 baby girls I had met were adopted within a matter of weeks of arriving at the orphanage where as the boys and older children are finding it hard to be adopted. One theory is people’s genuine fear that the boys will turn out to be rebellious and less supportive than the girls especially when they discover that they have been adopted. I have to admit that my family persuaded me to adopt a girl. It didn’t take much persuasion as I have two brothers who I would have to say are not exactly the most easiest to have brought up and that is putting it mildly!!

The trip has also helped me realise that in time I will become a mum and that I should enjoy what Allah has given me now. Having a child is a huge responsibility. It is both mentally and physically draining. A friend of mine brought over her 20-day-old baby boy for me to take care of. I feed him, put him to sleep, changed him and basically didn’t want to put him down. He was so adorable. I loved every minute of it. However, the big test came at night. The night feeds were really hard and I kept worrying about whether he was comfortable enough and cot death (even though he was not sleeping in a cot!). His mum did sleep in the same room as me in case I needed some help but really she was fantastic as she left it all to me and trusted me to know what to do. Funny thing was, I was so desperate for him to stay awake so I could play with him that typically at 3am he wanted to play with me. I ended having to catch up on my sleep the next day. How pathetic! I was kind of relieved when they went home the next day, as I didn’t have the energy to take care of him nor the heart to leave him alone. I enjoyed the experience though and InshAllah I will get to experience looking after my own baby soon.

If anyone is considering adopting then go for it as the rewards are massive and remember how much goodness and benefit that you will InshAllah bring to that child.

Remember that for every orphan’s head you stroke, Allah (TWT) will grant you a hasana. May Allah (TWT) guide us all to the straight path and help the orphans lead a successfully happy Islamic life.

During a person’s life time they maybe lucky to experience the joys of having and marrying their first love. It’s a wonderful and exciting feel which can take you to places like cloud 9! However, there are pitfalls of having a first love which can turn that experience into something of a nightmare. I would like to explore in this blog the idea of having a first love.

I like, many others have had a first love. It was exciting, new, liberating and explosive. I hadn’t really thought much of boys and wanted to keep my distance from them as I always believed they were more trouble than I could handle. However, once that feeling of wanting to be in love hit me it was something I didn’t want to let go. Unfortunately, I didn’t go about it in the right way. Even though he lived in a different country (which I am so grateful for) I kept the romance a secret for fear of what my parents may say and do. As you may have guessed they found out and it was quickly over. However, as a terrible consequence my relationship with my father changed forever. My father didn’t handle the situation very well. It took sometime before he comforted me about it when we were watching a documentary about arranged marriages in Islam. My father took the opportunity to snap at me and I remember wanting the earth to swallow me up. This experience has left a bruise in my heart which has meant I have been unable to watch T.V. with my father for the last 10 years! But I have to say this is more to with indecent programmes now!!

I feel that Allah has helped me realise over the years that my first love was not the most halal way of finding my soul mate. Allah has stipulated for a reason why we cannot have boyfriends or girlfriends! My grandmother told me of a Hadith which states that when a man and a woman are together (who are not married or a Mehram) then Shaitan (make Allah curse him) is the third person. He will try his best to force them to commit haram and he will not stop at nothing to succeeded! Alhamdula, Allah will give us a nudge of fear to get us out of that situation but sometimes we refuse to listen and then asgrafallah one has to suffer the consequence of their actions like falling pregnant.

We have to remember that marriage is half our deen and that Inshallah when you marry you will not have to live with the guilt of past mistakes of having experienced a haram relationship and also enjoy the fruits of being in a halah relationship! To be able to experience new and wonderful feelings is only really special when you are married, as you know that Inshallah they will further develop and, bring benefits like a child but more importantly that marriage can lead to Jina.

There is a clock within us that starts to blare loudly arousing our feelings for the opposite sex. If the feeling becomes too strong to handle and you are afraid of committing haram then that is the time to consider marriage!! Inshallah, by making the right intention and seeking Allah’s help the right person will come along but that doesn’t give you the excuse to sit at home waiting for your ‘knight in shining armour’ or your ‘beautiful princess’ to come swarming into your life. No, brothers and sisters – you need to make a concretive effort to make sure your expectations are REALISTIC and you create opportunities to find that special person. Opportunities like going to Islamic weddings, spreading the word through family and friends, attending Islamic talks and if all else fails going to the mosque and speaking to an Imam. I did that and he introduced me to a few respectable guys but they were not meant to be! One guy in particular made think more about how strong my imam was and whether I should start wearing the hijab. May Allah reward him for instilling these beneficial thoughts, which eventually lead me to search for someone who had a strong imam. I ended going back to my native home and that is where I found my husband. There is no shame in marriage and at the end of the day we all have a makatib (person written for us by Allah). A friend once told me that our souls have met the person we were destined to marry. Well, my soul was quite busy as I ended up marrying twice and Inshallah the second marriage is for life.

I pray to Allah that all my brothers and sisters marry a person who will strength their iman, love them for the sake of Allah and, are rewarded with children and Jina Fardous. Ameen.

A tip for everyone – When you are going to meet someone, please take a brother, sister, Mehram or good friend as you want to start the intention on an Islamic note and not let Shaitan (may Allah curse him) be the third person there. Inshallah that way you can be happy in the thought that you are in the right Islamic direction and possibly meeting you kindred spirit!

I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 3…yes 3! It was a huge shock for my mother who was also taking care of my brother who was 1 ¼ and my sister who was only 8 weeks old. May Allah bless my mum for her sabr, love and suffering.

I try to get my mum to relive the time of when I was diagnosed with diabetes and it’s not much but rather interesting. At that time the NHS (National Health Service) had a lot more facilities to support mothers and accommodate our needs. For instance, my mum was given a hotel room within the hospital to stay in close contact with me, lots of nappies and pre-filled baby bottles. Sounds great! Unfortunately, much to my disappointment, this supportive system does not exist anymore. Anyway back to my story...My mum had to learn to inject me and practiced daily with an orange. It took a long time before my mum eventually gave me my injections as I used to beg in Egyptian Arabic not to have anymore injections! I had an Egyptian nurse who taught me Arabic and apparently some not so impressive words like get lost! My dad had to work and deal with his father’s death so there was a lot going on at that time.

I can remember one vivid experience with my dad which is quite hilarious. My mum had gone to Morocco as her father had died. So, my dad was left for the first time ever with the responsibility to take care of three kids. One particular day, we had all got up late for school and my dad tried desperately to brush my long hair but to no avail. He quit and told me to do what I wanted with it. Yeppie, I thought as I wanted it left out for all to admire as my mum never let me leave it out. Anyway, my dad took us to school and about 2 hours later came rushing into my class to get me out. He had forgotten to give me my injection and I was none the wiser in the sense I had no symptoms of feeling tired or thirsty. He then asked me which toilet I wanted to go in to have my injection. I of course had to say the boys’ toilets because my dad is a boy and I wanted to see what it was like. So, we entered and it absolutely stank! However, the school secretary saw my dad kneeling over me to give me my injection in my bum and she screamed out “what the hell was going on”. Oh the embarrassment! My dad dealt with the situation and the secretary was left embarrassed by her reaction.

I have never known anything different. At first I thought everyone had to take injections but obviously this faded quite quickly when I noticed I was the only one at home flashing my bottom for my daily injections! Also, I got fed up of my siblings having the glory of eating as much sweets as they wanted when I couldn’t have even one. Oh how unfair. At that time, medical advice was not on the ball in that the doctors told my parents not to give me any sugar! This advice by the doctors was not clever as children/adults will have what they can’t have. Oh yes indeed. I ended up becoming an expert in smuggling sweets home and finding the latest stash. This ended up biting me in the back as a doctor threatened me with future amputations of both my arms and legs. I needed it as my blood sugars had become out of control when I hit my teens. Alhamdulliah, Allah is great as I didn’t have many problems and tried to enjoy life. It never really bothered me that I had diabetes as I saw it as the norm, a super power which no one else I knew had and that I would control it and not the other way around. My parents gave me the freedom to go on school trips and enjoy a few birthday parties. There are some things I do regret which is inevitable but overall Allah has helped me through the difficult times.

My diabetes is better controlled in the sense that I can now eat what I want and know exactly how much insulin to give myself. (Thanks to the DAFNE course - "Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating" - The basic principle is that for every 10g of carbohydrate, I need to take 1 unit of insulin; simple! So, 80g of carbohydrates I will take 8 units.) This way I’m avoiding any future complications like blindness and can practically eat whatever I want. Just need to watch my weight like everyone else. Before, the regime was very strict and it didn’t leave room for unpredictable situations like a friend bring in chocolate cake. How can anyone say no to that! Inshallah, there is a cure and even if it is not in my life time, I know that there are more difficult conditions to deal with. May Allah grant ease to anyone going through an illness, disease or difficult time. Ameen.

Bath, well what can one say about a white stoned city? It’s full of history, students, a thunder box (I shall explain later) and white stone.

I wanted a weekend away with my husband in order for him to experience more of what England has to offer and also a break from my family. After much searching of the various cities in the UK, my heart was set on revisiting Bath. I had been there when I was 13 years old after winning a quilt making competition at my school and I remember being given £10 by mum and feeling so excited and rich that I spent it all. I had no money left to rehydrate myself from eating too many scones! So much for making it last. It took me sometime to find a guest house as the hotels were either too expensive or booked but even the guesthouse cost me £180 for two nights. Oh never mind, at least it was cosy and it had wonderful hospitality.

We packed our things a day in advance and we set off on the National Express for £38 return. (Funfare price - see I can save money!) The coach driver almost didn’t let us on as we arrived 7 minutes late for boarding. However, we begged the driver to let us on and thankfully he obliged us by opening the door and telling us off. We arrived 3 hours and 30 minutes later only to have to track up a hill and pass many hedges to our guesthouse. We were told it would take us less than 12 minutes to get there as we were young but it took us 20 minutes instead. It was good exercise.

We wanted to explore the city by foot but got lost at every direction despite peoples best efforts to point us in the right direction. We thought that the best way to see what the city had to offer was to follow the American and Malaysian tourist and purchase tickets for the tour bus. This had to be the highlight of our journey as not only did we rest feet get to rest but the guides had an impressive knowledge of the city. We took the bus around 7 seven times. It cost us £16 for 2 days use of the tour bus.

Bath has a population of around 80,000 people of which 20,000 are University students. The architecture is very impressive especially around Queen Square, the Abbey and the Roman Baths. In particular only one house has a thunder box which is basically a Victorian toilet. Unfortunately, the toilet was so unstable that many people apparently fell through it. Talk about being relieved! Also, some of the lavish houses seemed to have been occupied by mistresses of Kings’ and Dukes. King William IV had 22 children with his mistress and none with his wife. Unfortunately, as the children were illegitimate and he was succeeded by his niece Queen Victoria.

As you know, I’m a huge Jane Austen fan and the first place I visited was the Jane Austen Centre. We were greeted by Mr Darcy who was more charming than Jane’s Darcy. By this time I was so excited that I accidentally ran off and left my husband in the gift shop when I went to purchase the tickets. Unfortunately, the Centre was not all that it cracked up to be. They overcharged for the tickets for a talk which lasted about 15 minutes and a basement that had a few costumes from the ITV remake of Persuasions. Bath’s claim to Jane was that she lived for five years after her father retired but more interestingly is that Jane absolutely hated Bath even though she based Persuasion and Northanger Abbey on Bath. They did have a lovely tea room and I ordered the Jane Austen tea and Willoughby chocolate cake. My husband was not at all impressed with the Centre, more so as he didn’t understand anything people were saying and wanted only boring old regular coffee. He said he didn’t trust any food that was named after characters from books.

Overall we had a lovely time in Bath despite the down pour of rain. My husband was very much more fascinated by the Roman Baths and the Abbey. We dared each other to drink a whole glass of warm sulphuric water which I think the Museum distilled to such an extent that it didn’t taste so bad. Just needed a tea bag!

There are so many different lives out in this world that one wonders how they structure their lives in order to achieve day to day tasks or great things. For instance, doing a job, taking care of kids or studying. This may seem like a peculiar point to make but it is relevant in this fast moving world.

A friend is seeing a psychotherapist in order to understand this and other things. She is trying to make sense of mistakes she has made, how to overcome them and why she cannot move forward. The psychotherapist is helping her analyse the various situations affect her life and trying to find the route problem. I think many of us can benefit from psychotherapy which can be conducted not just by a psychotherapist but through other means like writing a blog. Although when a person cannot handle their problems or are lost or need proper guidance then a psychotherapist many be a good way in resolving personal problems.

It can be hard trying to multitask and to keep up the appearance of being a ace person at a particular job or task. However, a particular problem which can be hard to overcome is one’s self–perception. Wanting to meet those unearthly demands and creating unrealistic goals can lead to disappointment and failure. This in turn starts a vicious cycle of trying to achieve the impossible which then leads to heartache. If one steps back and congratulates themselves for what they have achieved that day then those positive remarks can build up your self-esteem and confidence. There are so many self-help books promoting interesting ideas some of which do and don’t work but in all I found the central theme not necessarily promoted by these books is to have faith not only in yourself but in Allah.

“With every difficult there comes easy”.

This beautiful saying from Allah denotes so much meaning but at its simplistic it can mean that the easiest tasks can present their own challenges but in turn can bring a reward because you have completed it. Lets take an example, writing minutes. This can be very simple but to some people it can present a challenge due to personal or external expectations which can then make the challenge seem impossible. However, when one stops thinking about all these expectations and completes the task to their best ability then the rewards is having completed it. Also, if you find this task easy then your reward might be less but still enough to boost your confidence to say to yourself well at least I did it! The key is to remember to give yourself the small pat on the back in order to allow those positive juices to continue flowing. It only takes one negativity to forget all your positives and there may be many more positives which you have achieved but need to learn to recognise no matter how small they maybe to bash away the negativity.

Inshallah brothers and sisters we can all find inner peace, confidence and happiness through the help of Allah.

Let me set the scene, I'm like most people going through life trying to discover who they are but for me it has involved subconsciously making mistakes and NOT learning from them. I hope to create regular blogs to help myself (this is me trying to put myself first) and, those people who are interested in reading and even learning more about my experiences both good and bad. Inshallah this blog will be a journey to help me to learn from my previous plans and make new ones.

I want to thank my best friend for encouraging me to create a blog and whose blog happymuslimmama.com has inspirational stories.


I have had many plans of which I have not followed. I think the most vivid one is not completing University. To this day, I am still battling as to whether I should go back to Uni which is peppered with friends and family wanting me to go. However, the real question I have to answer is: Do I want to go? Not sure. No surprise there! I think the idea is great, wanting to challenge myself, achieve something academic which for me will make a prominent mark in my life and to prove to others especially myself that I can do it. But I'm not convinced by these points. I had a really bad experience at University and even worse lecturers. I'll never forget these infamous words: "Turn to your left; turn to your right these people will not be here next year." Well, I passed that year but that advice was a string of bad advices I got which eventually broke me and made me feel negative about life. I was studying Law and as promised it was hard, time consuming, demanding, pressurised BUT really interesting. (Sorry for using but all the time, I just like it! I think that is a metaphor for my life.) The idea of pressure started to get to me which made me feel more vulnerable than I was used to. I could not make sense of what I was doing in terns of studying and what I wanted my life to be. I started to feel desperate and marriage popped into my head which felt like the answer to my problems. As you will find out that that was a bad plan! It got to the point where if I could not achieve a First Class degree then I thought what was the point of doing it. Alhamdula, my sisters think differently but I still can't get the idea of being the best at everything including achieve a 1st Class degree out of my head especially as more people are saying its the best head start to a career and opportunities. Yet, my friend achieved a 2:2 and is now a qualified Solicitor. Good for her. I'm so proud of her. Inshallah, I will be proud of myself soon. I think one of the problems I still face is failure or just feeling ok with achieving the minimum - I feel I can do better but that mentality has not helped me so far! There are so many good and bad experiences that one has to decide what path they are going to take, feel comfortable about and stick to it. If you want to get the First Class degree, you can get it and if you get a Third Class degree you can still achieve that end goal without having to feel a failure for not going the traditional route. Carol Vorderman got a 3rd Class degree and she is successful and most people think she is brillant.

I think anyone interested in doing a degree or is studying for one, it is important you enjoy it and do it for the right reasons. Trust me you will love it more and it will help you do well without having to feel over pressurised. My sister was not brillant at school and she did something she loved at Uni and got a 1st Class degree with Honours. Im extremely proud of her. Go get the world sister!

In all, the question of restarting my degree will have to float over to more blogs before a possible answer.

I leave this blog on a positive note and that is I am becoming a happier person even though I'm not the best Solicitor in the world, yet!