Sister's Big Plan

I’m bored out of my wits end and don’t have the confidence to take on extra work in case my manager abuses my honesty. I also get quite bored between 6 and 8pm. I really don’t want to start watching the Wonder Years with my sister (which starts at 7pm) because Kevin over analyse situations and I find the whole show rather depressing!! However, my sister sees the funny side of his dilemmas including being in love with his teacher, while my grandmother who doesn’t understand English thinks its all terrifying bad education especially when she sees Kevin looking at his teacher in a loving way. She then asks whether British education system encourages such behaviour and if we have fallen in love with our teachers? So, I’m thinking, Big Sis why don’t you do something worthwhile?

I’ve got a collection of books, which need to be read, however, I’m currently reading the Sealed Nector. I’m enjoying this book, which has made me cry, but I still can’t get into books. I feel that it takes me quite a lot to concentrate on a book because I analyse states and situations. It’s a habit, which leaves me reading a book for months! I’m not exaggerating, I started re-reading the Quran last Ramadan and I’m now on Surat 30. I don’t think I will finish the Quran to restart it for Ramadan. The irony of this is that I love being surrounded by books and their stories.

I think for me visualising something is more interesting and appealing than reading it. That’s probably why I love the cinema so much. However, I want my life to be more interesting than TV and cinema! I’m trying to take a new approach to life, career and ambitions and that is to question whether I’m doing something for others or myself. I want to be happy and content with my decision making process but I think this is a journey which will take more practice. So as I make those life decisions inshaAllah, I make them for the best.

As we have entered the Month of Shaban lots of thoughts are coming to my mind regarding how I can improve myself as a Muslimah and become closer to Allah. Shaban is an opportunity to prepare oneself for Ramadan. The Prophet (PBUH) used to fast all of Shaban. “I never saw the Messenger of Allah, fasting in a month so profusely as he did the month of Shaban. He used to fast in that month leaving only a few days, rather, he used to fast almost the whole of the month”. (Reported by Aisha RA).

I think the best place to start is to examine how you pray. Ensure that your wudu follows the proper etiquettes and that you are following the right procedures for praying. One can increase the amount of time spent reading the Qu’ran (i.e.10 minutes a day and then keep increasing it) and making dikka. There is a fantastic pocket size dua book called Fortress of a Muslim which has duas ranging from when you feel pain to when it rains which one can start using if they want to have wider knowledge of the kind of duas one can make especially during Ramadan.

Use the opportunity Shaban brings to seek more knowledge. If you haven’t read it, try and get a copy of the Sealed Nector, which is a biography of the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) life and is critically acclaimed by scholars. Shaban is an opportunity to examine oneself and reflect on past mistakes. Don’t dwell too much on the mistakes but use this thought process as a way to move forward and stop them happening again inshaAllah. I suppose for me its about the small things like not wearing my hijab when opening the front door or uncontrollably judging someone for wearing tight clothes with hijab! InshaAllah, I will continue to try and stop myself from doing these things and remember that in particular that this sister may have a stronger imam than I do!

Night of Bara’ah or ‘the night of freedom from the fire’ falls on 15th day of Shaban; Allah (SWT) comes down to the lowest heaven and asks his servants –“Is there any person repenting so that I forgive him, and any person seeking provision so that I provide for him, and any person with distress so that I relieve him, and so on until dawn”. (Reported by Ibn Majah) This is an opportunity to ask for forgiveness, make dua for good health, happiness and things you, your family and the Ummah needs in this life and the hereafter. This is a fantastic opportunity to revive the spirit and renew our closeness to Allah (SWT). May Allah accept your prayers, duas and intentions in this Holy Month.

I applied for a job as a Communication Manager to help me get away from my manager but more importantly to get me into a more challenging role. I didn’t want to get myself in a position where I wanted to fuss over my application but worked on a balancing my need not to stress vs making it a winning application.

I was content that I had produced a winning application. It seemed to tick all the right boxes and produce all the right answers. I waited weeks to hear the results of my application and on Friday 1st August I found out that I was unsuccessful. The reason being, I didn’t produce enough information on being a mentor and how I have helped myself improve within an organisation. What a joke! Alhamdula, the job was not meant for me as Allah has better plans for me.

A year ago, my attitude to this would have been I’m a failure or I should have got the job. It didn’t enter my psyche that Allah knows what is best for me. Something that we see is good maybe bad for us and something we see as bad maybe good for us. It’s a matter of putting things in Allah’s hands. I also believe that the feedback I received was not constructive in the sense that if there were valid problems with my application and areas I could have improved then they should have said so. However, it was like finding a needle in a haystack with all that unnecessary feedback. All I was reminded of was how articulate my application was but that didn’t really answer my question of how could I improve?

I suppose in light of all of this I’m happy that I received some positive feedback as I still have the determination to continue to find opportunities to climb the civil service ladder. I’ve decided not to complete my Law degree, as I would be doing it for all the wrong reasons. Alhamdulliah, I believe that this decision is right for me and I m slowly become content with it. Plus an added bonus to this decision is that my stomach pains have become less frequent since I made this decision!!