Sister's Big Plan

This is my first official fast for Ramadan. As a diabetic, I was told never to fast because it would make me ill. However, with development of DNA insulin this has meant that I am now able to fast.

Basically, insulin can be split into two. Background insulin, which covers sugars that the liver dumps, and quick acting insulin, which is used for carbohydrates that I eat. So, to fast I have to take my background and quick acting insulin at sahoor. It is important that I take my background insulin at set times so 4am and then again at 8pm in order to keep my sugars stabilised. I do not need to take any more insulin until Iftar. It is important that if you are a diabetic, you understand your illness and seek medical advice before fasting.

I had a few teasing problems with getting the right amount of insulin into my system which meant I haven’t been able to fast some of the first 15 days of Ramadan. I started having low blood sugars, which meant I had to break my fast otherwise Allah (SWT), would consider it to be invalid.

I’ve felt left out during Ramadan for the obvious reason that my diabetes wouldn’t allow me to fast. I wanted to feel that hunger, patience, experience what the poor go through, self-control and importantly being close to Allah (SWT). At one point, I felt a fraud because I found it hard to do 20 taraweh prayers even though my belly was full all day from enjoying all the wonderful food my parents prepared. Now that I more empowered myself with the knowledge of the deen, I believe that my illness was given to me for a reason especially in helping others who cannot afford insulin. I also realised that Allah (SWT) forgave me and others with illnesses especially to ease possible hardship. It is all about the intention and wanting to better oneself as a Muslim but without putting oneself in danger.

May Allah (SWT) make this Holy and best of all months a blessed one for all the Ummah. May Allah (SWT) accept everyone’s fast, prayers, duas, sadaqah and zakat. May Allah (SWT) make us stronger and better Muslims. May Allah (SWT) send us all to jina faradous. Ameen.

My best friend recommended that I try and find a way to release my blues but in a constructive manner. She suggested I should think more about my senses to see how best I could utilise them in order to feel less like throttling my manager and more like drawing a picture of butteries to release my misery energy. What’s yours? What senses do you use the most: Visual? Maybe it’s drawing or doodling? Aural? Maybe its music or singing or nasheeds. Is it sensual? Maybe it’s massage, breathing or meditation. However, my best friend’s advice came with a caution: She wouldn't recommend taste, as one could use it to substitute food for work because one can get so bored. This could then lead to health problems, as one is more likely to want a sugar fix than a fruit fix.

I may need to try a few things like writing more for my blog to see whether that really helps. I love chatting and getting things out. However, my manager does see eye to eye on me going off to chat to work colleagues even though I get my work done and it’s also important to have regular breaks away from my computer. Alhamdulliah.

I’ve been trying to finds in which to express myself constructively. I have thought about boxing (my brother has the whole gear at home.) I haven’t done it long enough to see if it works – However, it made me mad about people, which was not really getting me anywhere. I really want to join the gym. My husband laughs at me when I say that as last time I went which was 9 months ago I complained of so many pains that I never returned. Everyone, including my doctors keep telling me I need to exercise more! Well, I have a problem as last time I went to the gym, the male instructor kept touching my legs and arms to get me in the right positions for the routines but I didn’t have the confidence to tell him to get lost! It’s hard to find a gym near me that caters to Muslim women. There are some but that are too far away! I need to come up with a plan where I can attend my local gym and feel secure in the fact that I’m not jeopardise my security as a Muslim woman. Suggestions welcome.

At the moment, I am very much into films and restaurants (well the food in them!!). So maybe I can find my mojo through my visual and taste senses. I recently watched The Happening (Director M. Night Shyamalan of “Sixth Sense” and my personal favourite, “Signs”). I was kind of disappointed by the movie especially of generally what was happening to the people (I don’t want to spoil for those who may wish to see it). Also, it didn’t have the big revelation at the end which is what Shyamalan is good at. Shyamalan recently said in an interview that he was inspired by the film The Birds which basically uses the strategy of continuous tension and suspense to engage the audience but has no major revelation in the film. It basically meant to make people to pick up a popcorn and never put it down. A friend advised me to start doing reviews for films but for me that takes the joy of watching them. I don’t like the idea of analysing something in order to come up with a clever critical analyse of it. Also, I have this thing of seeing work as being a mundane task which if I started reviews would take the fun out of watching films. However, being the optimistic person that I am maybe I will become a film critic but for halah films.

I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 3…yes 3! It was a huge shock for my mother who was also taking care of my brother who was 1 ¼ and my sister who was only 8 weeks old. May Allah bless my mum for her sabr, love and suffering.

I try to get my mum to relive the time of when I was diagnosed with diabetes and it’s not much but rather interesting. At that time the NHS (National Health Service) had a lot more facilities to support mothers and accommodate our needs. For instance, my mum was given a hotel room within the hospital to stay in close contact with me, lots of nappies and pre-filled baby bottles. Sounds great! Unfortunately, much to my disappointment, this supportive system does not exist anymore. Anyway back to my story...My mum had to learn to inject me and practiced daily with an orange. It took a long time before my mum eventually gave me my injections as I used to beg in Egyptian Arabic not to have anymore injections! I had an Egyptian nurse who taught me Arabic and apparently some not so impressive words like get lost! My dad had to work and deal with his father’s death so there was a lot going on at that time.

I can remember one vivid experience with my dad which is quite hilarious. My mum had gone to Morocco as her father had died. So, my dad was left for the first time ever with the responsibility to take care of three kids. One particular day, we had all got up late for school and my dad tried desperately to brush my long hair but to no avail. He quit and told me to do what I wanted with it. Yeppie, I thought as I wanted it left out for all to admire as my mum never let me leave it out. Anyway, my dad took us to school and about 2 hours later came rushing into my class to get me out. He had forgotten to give me my injection and I was none the wiser in the sense I had no symptoms of feeling tired or thirsty. He then asked me which toilet I wanted to go in to have my injection. I of course had to say the boys’ toilets because my dad is a boy and I wanted to see what it was like. So, we entered and it absolutely stank! However, the school secretary saw my dad kneeling over me to give me my injection in my bum and she screamed out “what the hell was going on”. Oh the embarrassment! My dad dealt with the situation and the secretary was left embarrassed by her reaction.

I have never known anything different. At first I thought everyone had to take injections but obviously this faded quite quickly when I noticed I was the only one at home flashing my bottom for my daily injections! Also, I got fed up of my siblings having the glory of eating as much sweets as they wanted when I couldn’t have even one. Oh how unfair. At that time, medical advice was not on the ball in that the doctors told my parents not to give me any sugar! This advice by the doctors was not clever as children/adults will have what they can’t have. Oh yes indeed. I ended up becoming an expert in smuggling sweets home and finding the latest stash. This ended up biting me in the back as a doctor threatened me with future amputations of both my arms and legs. I needed it as my blood sugars had become out of control when I hit my teens. Alhamdulliah, Allah is great as I didn’t have many problems and tried to enjoy life. It never really bothered me that I had diabetes as I saw it as the norm, a super power which no one else I knew had and that I would control it and not the other way around. My parents gave me the freedom to go on school trips and enjoy a few birthday parties. There are some things I do regret which is inevitable but overall Allah has helped me through the difficult times.

My diabetes is better controlled in the sense that I can now eat what I want and know exactly how much insulin to give myself. (Thanks to the DAFNE course - "Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating" - The basic principle is that for every 10g of carbohydrate, I need to take 1 unit of insulin; simple! So, 80g of carbohydrates I will take 8 units.) This way I’m avoiding any future complications like blindness and can practically eat whatever I want. Just need to watch my weight like everyone else. Before, the regime was very strict and it didn’t leave room for unpredictable situations like a friend bring in chocolate cake. How can anyone say no to that! Inshallah, there is a cure and even if it is not in my life time, I know that there are more difficult conditions to deal with. May Allah grant ease to anyone going through an illness, disease or difficult time. Ameen.