Will I or Won't I?

12:39 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 7 Comments »

I have warned myself off from apologies for not doing my blog for sometime because I read somewhere that you shouldn’t! I half agree but I feel that since I want to help others than an apology is due to those who have been waiting for my next blog!!!

A lot has happened and this has left me with little time to write a blog and some of my vava voom has been sucked out of me to write something meaningful. However, the juices are following a moment and I’m going to talk about aspirations.

At the moment, I am trying to decide on whether to accept a place at university to study Law. I really am stuck! I am torn by my previous bad experience of studying mixed with the fear of not getting a First Class degree and pulled by the fact that I have work and family commitments. I realised the other day that I spent more time helping my mum with odd jobs than studying for my degree. I got into the classic trap of not saying ‘no’ and sacrificing my needs for that of others. Alhamdulliah, I realise this now and InshaAllah I can move forward from this. A big part of moving forward though will be me getting my own place with of course hubby! Please make dua.

I have been running around like a headless chicken trying to figure what I want to do with my life. My dad told me the other day that he was very happy I was going back to uni but thought I should have done that a long time ago!! I remember only yesterday him telling me that I should move on from the notion of uni. Nevermind! It’s these small little things that weigh me down and make my decision making process very hard. I’m like this child who either wants it one way or no way at all. For instance, my immediate reaction to my dad’s response is not to go to uni as I don’t want to do it for him and I don’t want him to put unnecessary pressure on me as he did before. The child within me needs to be understood and allowed to mature. However, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to go about this. Any psychologist/ physiotherapists out there?

Well, I need to make a decision soon as I need to enrol by October or maybe in two weeks. (Need to double check.) I believe that it would be great to do an assignment and get some wonderful feedback on it, to rediscover the law, meet new people (and make life long friends) and get my degree. Part of me believes that I will regret it if I don’t get my degree. I don’t want more regret in my life. I have enough of them. InshaAllah, I will go to uni this year. I’ve done my guidance prayer and I will leave the rest to Allah (SWT).

7 comments:

otowi said...

Who cares about a "First Class" degree? And why do they care about it?

The questions to me are - do you want to learn law? Do you want to use that education for something else you want to do? Can you afford it monetarily and time-wise? Will it help or hinder your deen?

Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

Aslamualakum and welcome back to blogging sis , i missed you !
I left my degree unfinished seemed the right thing to do at the time, lately i too wish to return to finsh it. Its more of a personal challange and goal for me , like unfinished business. Big Sis do it for you, do it coz you want to, never mind if you don't get 1st class , give it your best shot what you get is what you are able and capable, at least you will have a finished degree in hand! Go girl , go do it for yourself and stop pleaseing others , only aim to please Allah through all acts and He will bless it for you ameen.

kaiza shozey said...

i say follow ur dreams and i hope ull get to finish uni. uve thought about this and have come to a decision and i respect that alot. i hope it works out for u.
P.S- something freaky to tell u. u might say that i kinda saw ur blog in my dream last night. or maybe it was a dejavu. *shrug* . go figure

Umm Salihah said...

Hon,
Do it Do it Do it
Don't do it for the first class degree, do it because it will help you help others. I know how much you love to help others and also how much you love and are drawn to law. Do it with the intention to improve yourself, widen your world and to help others for the sake of Allah and it will become your ibadah.
Do it.

Big Sis said...

JazakAllah khair sisters for all the comments, support and questions to ask myself! May Allah bless you all.

One thing I forgot about all this is to do it for Allah (SWT). I want to help others and yes I've been using Law to do it so inshaAllah I will make the right decision. Keep u posted.

kaiza shozey said...

P.S- im a guy :p

Big Sis said...

Sincere apologies Khaiza Shozey!