Sister's Big Plan

I’ve been reflecting on issues facing me at work such as development, the people I work with and of course my manager!! I keep hoping that I will end up with a job that will better me, people who are absolutely fantastic, working with role model Muslimah’s and feeling constantly chilled but working hard. How wonderful would that be?

At the moment, I have a Muslim manager who is failing to practice the morals and kindness our deen teaches us. In particular, I wanted to mentor a sister to help her overcome challenges at work and develop her. Unfortunately, my manager rejected the idea on the basis that I may go against what they advice. For me, mentoring is not focusing on what a manager tells a person what to do or contradicting them but how best to fulfil their obligations of what they are supposed to do i.e. build and strength their existing skills.

My manager tests me in more ways than I can handle both mentally and emotionally. Our relationship has improved as of late but 1 step forward ends up being 10 steps back when they do things like refusing to allow me to mentor a sister. I’ve even tried to agree with them on a lot things but this has just ended up frustrating me and made me lose even more hope that I can ever bring some positive light in helping her change for the better.

I realised but only recently that they are a challenge from Allah SWT. For a few months, I have to say I was failing! My manager is not the easiest person to get along with especially as they lack communication skills, tact and emotion. There is a unanimous vote on this! I know they are not perfect but part of me believed whether naively or not that as a Muslim they would show more compassionate and support. How wrong was I?! Please see previous posts on my manager.

I’m at the point now, where I feel (but with some unease) that some Muslim people wish not to practice their deen or seek hasan by helping their fellow Muslim brothers and sisters especially at work. I got into a vicious circle of back biting about them and feeling almost hate towards them (astagfrAllah). Alhamula, this changed once I realised that Allah SWT was testing me. I was watching Islam Channel and a Sheika said that if we recognise that a test is from Allah SWT then we have half passed it and then we should thank Allah SWT for not testing our deen and not providing a bigger test i.e. losing your job!

I’ve tried to make peace with my manager but I still wouldn’t consider them a friend even though they confided in me that they have found a possible person to marry. My husband believes that they have a poor attitude and take it out on others because they need a spouse to fulfil their needs! May Allah SWT bless this possible union and make their spouse a person that will soften their heart. Ameen. I kind of feel awkward discussing such personal matters and going into deep conversation with them especially about the deen as I don’t feel comfortable around them. Once, they started shouting at me when we were discussing prayer times!! I realised that it would be better to keep silent especially on the deen as I don’t believe in shouting about it particularly as the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) discouraged such behaviour.

There have been a few issues I’ve had to manage but not always successfully. Its been a struggle trying to be the better person. It’s hard because they have made me cry and suffer unnecessarily. At one point, I wanted them to disappear but quickly realised that Allah SWT is with me and what goes around comes around. Also, my sister kindly reminded me that if you say a bad thing to a Muslim person then they will get your hasan. I want to keep mine! LOL. I suppose it’s a struggle we might all face especially when it comes to being a better person. I often remember my manager in prayers and wish not to make dua for them and this has been hard. I think (and maybe someone can advice) that if I made dua for that person who has caused me hardship then I may get a reward for it? My heart believes this is true but let me know what you think.

May Allah help me pass this test and grant me a better manager. Ameen. Please make dua for me.