Baby, Where art thou?

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I’ve been thinking for a bit about what my next blog should be. I wanted it to be something meaningful and Inshallah to help others.

I’ve wanted kids since I was 16 years old. There are a few reasons for that. I love children especially babies. I love the idea of helping and watching a person who is half of you grow and Inshallah become a good Muslim who will help others. Also, being the eldest of 5 kids meant that I have matured a lot more quickly. So, the search was on to find my soulmate, other half! Alhamdula it took a few years and a second marriage before I could work on my dream.

I suffer from terrible period pains which I have tried almost everything under the sun to control except the pill. I remember once at school, I got my period in the middle of a lesson and the pain was so unbearable I had to ran to my Head teacher’s office but he was nowhere to be found. So, I collapsed on a desk outside his office and cried hoping someone would help me. I eventually got the permission to go and only Allah knows how I arrived home and my dad had to rush me to hospital as my stomach couldn’t hold down my medication. Oh the drama of my period pains!! Apparently Queen Victoria of Great Britain used to take cannabis to help control her period pains but I of course would not recommend it or use it! LOL You probably guessed it another reason for wanting kids is to put an end to these pains. Due to my bad period pains, I discovered that I had polycystic ovary syndrome which, affects 1 in 5 women. Most women get pregnant naturally but the rest need further help. Alhamdula. My grandmother; a wise and wonderful woman has told me for many years that as soon as I have a baby things will improve, pain wise, Inshallah. I believe her especially as she went through something similar and has delivered many babies herself so there is wisdom in her advice.

I had to do something about my periods so my gynaecologist started work in trying to discover why I had such bad period pains and whether this was going to affect my fertility. I had a few scans, blood tests, laparoscopy, and small burning of my ovaries to help simulate the production of follicles which contain the eggs. Alhamdula, the tests showed that there were no problems like endometriosis or blocked fallopian tubes. However, there was no explanation for the bad period pains. I was told that unfortunately there was nothing that could be done except taking the pill. So, I continue to battle with my period pains but with the help of powerful pain killers.

I tried naturally for a baby for a about a year but to no avail. So, my gynaecologist prescribed clomid tablets. Clomid tablets help to give the ovaries a boost by making them produce follicles and increase the hormones involved in ovulation. About 70% of women get pregnant on clomid. I had to take the tablets from day 2 to 6 of my period and by around day 12 or 14 I had to go into hospital for scans to track the number of follicles that I had produced that month. Unfortunately, the clomid hasn’t helped me ovulate and so I was prescribed ovutrelle. At first, I was on 50mg of clomid and produced 7-9 follicles. My husband was supposed to have cold showers to prevent multiple pregnancies but we didn’t take that advice as Allah would be the one to give me as many babies as I could handle. Plus there was no guarantee that I would become pregnant. I was adviced to take 25mg of clomid and have been producing 2-3 follicles. I’ve had 7 rounds of clomid and I’m on my last. I’m trying not to be sceptical to allow the last one to work. This slight scepticism has been borne out from the fact that my sister discovered a few days ago that the Mefenamic Acid tablets which I have been taking for a few years for my periods come with a warning and that it should not be taken if you are trying to get pregnant. Those damn doctors never told me that. I remember clearly being told that this would not affect my fertility in the long run but with closer examination of these words and my position at the time I’ve realised that this advice was only meant to help my pains while I was not trying for a baby. Alhamdula. However, this realisation doesn’t explain why the gynaecologist didn’t advice me to stop taken them. (Trust me I will be taking this up with them!) Ironically, I haven’t been that upset by this revelation as it could be a reason as to why I haven’t become pregnant. However, my last round of clomid may not work due to the Mefenamic Acid tablets I took this month. Well, Allah knows best and I believe in my heart that if Allah wants me to get pregnant then it will BE regardless of those Mefenamic Acid tablets in my system.

So far the process has not been too complicated. The only problem has been my impatient to get pregnant. A lot of people have advised me to stop thinking about it and I believe they are right. However, how do you do that? I’m constantly reminded of it by my family, friends, planning the pregnancy, taking the clomid, going to hospital and seeing a flood of pregnant women and generally reminding myself. It’s hard and I sincerely respect women who have struggled to get pregnant and have either been successful after many years or have been unsuccessful and found peace by it. A friend who is also a diabetic has similar problems with her period and had the mind set that she would try for a baby even if it took years. She ‘stopped’ thinking about the whole process and it quickly happened for her. Today, I went to see another friend and her new baby. It was wonderful seeing that tiny soul peacefully sleeping and her mother looking proudly and protectively at her. The desperation for a child started to overtake me and subhanallah I looked again at that child and Allah gave me peace.

Something that has comforted me is the Quran. Allah reminds me through Surah’s when the feeling of wanting a baby overwhelms me. He reminds me that He is the one that gives children and that the benefits and rewards of the afterlife are a whole lot better. Alhamdulillah. I also found peace by reading an article in the last issue of Sister Magazine – “Barren but Blessed”. The sister was unsuccessful in conceiving but Allah had a better plan for her and that was to adopt twin babies. She not only found peace by not conceiving but is happy that it never happened. What a woman! How great is Allah in all his plans.

Inshallah, this last round of clomid is successful. If not the next steps are more intrusive like IVF. Inshallah it doesn’t come to that. However, I’m grateful that Allah has instilled the medical knowledge into man of these treatments to give us a greater chance of conceiving. I pray that I can find the strength for me and anyone going through something similar to keep going, have sabr and importantly find peace in whatever path Allah has chosen for us. Please make dua for me and many thanks to the sisters that have supported me.

21 comments:

Hijabi Apprentice said...

Thank you for posting on this subject sis! I know quite a few women (Muslimahs) who have had a difficult time conceiving. I know a couple who tried for 7 years and after trying and quiting clomid they got pregnant! Masha Allah after the first baby was 5 months old she got pregs again.

I pray that it happens for you ukhti!

ma'a salaamah,

ha

Hijabi Apprentice said...

ps: I can totally relate to the extreme mestrual pain! I used to sit out of school for nearly 5 days each month! When I started working I had a doctor's note to excuse me monthly. It was HORRENDOUS! Not to mention I was really young when it started...agony.

Fashionista sis said...

Alhamdulillah sis, il pray for you, you'll get the children Allah wants you to have, be patient and im sure it won't be long before ur dua's are answered ;o)

Umm Salihah said...

Assalam-alaikam darling,
What an amazing post. I don't think you have any idea how many women will benefit from your words. We all need to know we are not an alone in a difficult situation and it is an amazing feeling to have your pain articulated in someone else's words.

Dollface, it'll happen soon, you're in my dua's. You'll get fed up of trying, be ready to give up or be distracted, wonder why on earth your period's late for no reason and get the shock of your life that you're pregnant. Bet you that's how it happens. Can't wait till it does, will just have to stop my kids from sitting on your kids.

Big Sis said...

Jazakallah sisters for your fantastic words! Inshallah this help loads of women and that Allah grants me a child I can brag about on my blog!!!

It's good to know other sis have bad periods. How did you get over yours hijabi apprentice?

Hijabi Apprentice said...

My menstrual cycle continued to be hell-atious!

As far as coping: hot water bottles, rx painkillers, chamomile tea and lavendar oil were my things. Some people swear by topical progesterone. I have to say when I am eating clean and green and exercising the pain is reduced.

Hugs to you habibty.

ha

Big Sis said...

Jazakallah sister for the advice - I am willing to try almost anything!

Safiyyah said...

As Salaamu Alaikum Sis:

I will also definitely keep you in my dua!

Your posts are so awesome, Masha Allah!

Oh, those doctors: I always check my new medications for drug interactions. These doctors are maddening sometimes.

iMuslimah said...

Assalamu alaykum sister!

What a journey you have been on! I wasnt aware of your difficulties, and i think you approach them with such faith and inner beauty. I agree with Umm Saliha, and think that you will become distracted, and then suddenly wonder why your menses are late, and why you feel so different!

There is a nifty book out there, and it addresses fertility awareness for women, even with medical issues. its phenomenal, and i found info in there, that no doctor has ever shared with me (but in all fairness, I never asked, and had not been trying). Its called Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Fertility Awareness Method by Toni Weschler. A colleague of mine brought it to me in a paper bag when she knew we were trying to get pg. I work in the medical field, and was amazed at what I didnt know. There is also a website for this book also: http://www.tcoyf.com/

I didnt buy the software or anything, I did use the site to download the right form for my cycle, and used a good old fashioned pen and paper. I purchased the book from Amazon.com.

Best of luck to your on your discovery, and youre in my duas. Again, your faith in Allah during a potentially maddening time in a womans life is really beautiful.

Barak Allahu Fik,

iMuslimah

PS I enjoyed reading your diabetes post!

Big Sis said...

I'm really taken back by your post sisters. Jazakallah khair for all your support and continuing duas. I was thinking about you Imuslimah as I hadn't heard from you in ages!! Well, may Allah continue to protect you ALL sisters and make your dreams come true.

iMuslimah said...

Big Sis-

Salaams :) Ive been quite lazy as of late. Not much energy left, except for things like washing windows at 1am... strange isnt it????

Hope all is well with you too, inshaallah :)

Keep in touch,

iMuslimah

Safiyyah said...

Salaams Sis:

I forgot to mention it, but a sister once told me she got pregnant after having a colon cleanse. Someone recommended it because she and her husband were having trouble conceiving. It worked!

Anonymous said...

Salam Sister

What a wonderful post.

We both had a very difficult time to conceive but after plenty of duaa and patience we ended up having triplets.

We are not expecting our 4th arrival.

Mr and Mrs Patel

Saima said...

Assalaamu 'alaikum dear sister

May Allah swt shower you with blessings and grant you sabr through these times...AMEEN.

I too am on the journey to conceive...22 months and counting...inshaAllah Allah swt will bless us with pious and health children soon, Ameen.

Love and duas.

Saima

Anonymous said...

aslamu alakum
after 3 kids alhamduillah and wanting a fourth 4yrs ago , still nothing !!! this post inspired me to go get medical intervention inshaAllah will let you know how it goes!!!

Big Sis said...

Jazakallah sisters for your comments. May Allah grant you all kids soon and let them be born with strong imam to make you proud!

Purple Tulips said...

Assalam o Alaikum, Sister.

I totally understand what you're going through. I love this post because I can relate to every word in it.

Hubby and I have been trying for our first baby for more than a year now. It's emotionally very hard, made worse by the unnecessary people around you.

Like yourself, I too derive hope from the Holy verses of the Quran. There is a power in Allah's words, so strong that it gives you inner peace and contentment, and the patience to trust His plans for you.

May Allah shower you with blessings. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

aftins said...

salam sisters
i have been trying to concieve for the past 6years i have had lots of treatment but nothing work.few months ago my DR gave me clomid 50g after a month i got pregnant but misscarrige since then i have had very heavy bleeding with clots its been two months now and am still bleeding.i went to the DR and i was given (mefenamic acid 500mg) then my sis told me not to take it coz she was told that this will make my fertility worse and it can prevent me from getting pregant.sister i ask for u to pray for me and advice me am getting stressed .
thanks for your support .my allah me it easy for all of us.Ameen

Big Sis said...

Saalam wa alaykum sister,

I am very sorry to hear of your pain. May grant you peace and ease in your time of need. Well I was taking mefenamic acid for a few years and I believe this may have prevented me from getting pregnant and the doctors told me to stop taking it. You need to get some medical advice as you may need them to help you get through your miscarriage especially if you are bleeding a lot. This medication is meant to help with that. Get some medical advice sister and inshaAllah the clomid may still work for you especially as it helped you get pregnant. Just concentrate with getting over the miscarriage and feeling strong and inshaAllah all will be well.

thepurplejournal said...

Great blog, MashaAllah. I'm glad I got to know you. I was looking around for Muslim women who could understand what I was going through.

May Allah bless you with children, Ameen.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

http://thepurplejournal.wordpress.com/

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