Sister's Big Plan

Surah 19 - Maryam
(This is) a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His slave Zakariya (Zachariah).
When he called out his Lord (Allah) a call in secret,
Saying: "My Lord! Indeed my bones have grown feeble, and grey hair has spread on my head, And I have never been unblest in my invocation to You, O my Lord!
"And Verily! I fear my relatives after me, since my wife is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir,
"Who shall inherit me, and inherit (also) the posterity of Ya'qub (Jacob) (inheritance of the religious knowledge and Prophethood, not the wealth, etc.). And make him, my Lord, one with whom You are Well-pleased!".
Allah said) "O Zakariya (Zachariah)! Verily, We give you the glad tidings of a son, His name will be Yahya (John). We have given that name to none before (him)."
He said: "My Lord! How can I have a son, when my wife is barren, and I have reached the extreme old age."
He said: "So (it will be). Your Lord says; It is easy for Me. Certainly I have created you before, when you had been nothing!"
[Zakariya (Zachariah)] said: "My Lord! Appoint for me a sign." He said: "Your sign is that you shall not speak unto mankind for three nights, though having no bodily defect."
Then he came out to his people from Al-Mihrab (a praying place or a private room, etc.), he told them by signs to glorify Allah's Praises in the morning and in the afternoon.
It was said to his son): "O Yahya (John)! Hold fast the Scripture [the Taurat (Torah)]." And We gave him wisdom while yet a child.
And (made him) sympathetic to men as a mercy (or a grant) from Us, and pure from sins [i.e. Yahya (John)] and he was righteous,
And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient (to Allah or to his parents).
And Salamun (peace) be on him the day he was born, the day he dies, and the day he will be raised up to life (again)!
(Surah 19, Verses 2 – 15)

SubhanaAllah, What a beautiful Ayat! For all those brothers and sisters going through the heartache of conceiving this is definitely a sign of hope. It is Allah’s will that decides whether we have a child or not. Not medical problems, society or infertility. This is not to say that one shouldn’t exhaust all halah methods of trying to conceive like IVF. InshaAllah, if we are meant to have a child then it will happen. Miracles do happen – Look at Zakariya and his barren, old wife. Apparently, I’ve been advised she was 99 years old!

This has been a hard issue for me because I’ve wanted a child for so long. (Please see previous posts). Recently, I’ve found out a colleague at work and two aunts are pregnant. I felt happy for them and thought about what a wonderful gift bestowed on them by Allah, the Generous. I struggled with the knowledge that some didn’t expect the pregnancy or that it didn’t take long for them to conceive. A child is a gift from Allah the Almighty and they bring their own baraka (rewards). My aunt is struggling financially and subhanaAllah the foetus through Allah SWT brought some money in via my cousin (who doesn’t do this thing often). May Allah reward her for her efforts.

When I found out the pregnancy of these ladies, I struggled with my own need for a child. The idea that there must be something biologically wrong with me coupled with the desperation to fix it. I wanted to join their club. I wanted to be pregnant too. A possible solution could have been metformin. This is prescribed to some diabetics to help them conceive. The statistics are promising but unfortunately I haven’t been able to tolerate these tablets. I’ve recently been given the liquid version of metformin. I only took it once and I slightly struggled with it. It wasn’t as bad as the tablets. However, I have put this on hold until I get further medical advice.

Yahya is a symbol for all of us. It’s a sign of Allah SWT almighty power and the gifts he can bestow on who ever he wishes. However, sabr is keen with the understanding that certain things are beyond our wisdom. That is Allah knows best. As I was travelling to work, all I kept thinking was I need to listen to Surah Maryam. When I switched on the IPod and read the Ayat above, the tears started flowing out. Then the release emerged. It felt so good. Allah gave me hope in my heart. InshaAllah if it is meant to be then no medical problem or anything else (i.e. psychological), which could be stopping conception, can prevent Allah SWT from grant you or me a child. I also recommend getting a copy of Sisters Magazine with the article “Barren but blessed”. It is a moving, touching real life story of a sister’s struggle to have a baby. This has also kept me going because she says towards the end of the article (apologies for spoiling it for those that like to find things out for themselves) that she is so happy Allah SWT didn’t give her her own child as adoption gave her something better. SubhanaAllah.

Please make dua for all those struggling with fertility including me!

The hardest part of moving out is leaving my mum. Fortunately, I will only be down the road from her but it’s not the same. We’ve helped each through the good, the bad and the ugly! I suppose a real test of any relationship is how you handle the difficult times and my mum has always been my rock. My mum has seen me make some bad decisions and not judged me for it and then with the usual cakes, chocolate, crisps and ribena we have celebrated the high times. I think both my mum and I are more like sisters than mother and daughter.

Sometimes the roles have been reversed where I have taken charge like a mother especially when she was diagnosed with diabetes. My mum has always had the spirit of a fighter but this has withered over the years with her health. What comforts both of us is knowing that Allah SWT only tests the one he loves and I know Allah the Greatest loves my mum.

My mother is a beautiful lady with fair complexion. She is constantly been mistaken for being a French revert! MashaAllah. My mum loves to say I look like her but I don’t; I look like her more like my dad who has a dark, typical Saudi complexion. (My dad is very lucky to have a beautiful all rounded wife.) However, these comments are typical of my mum who sees the best in me and my brothers and sisters and yes in that way I’m more like her.

I haven’t paid much attention to my blog since I got back from Hajj. I’ve been feeling spiritually uplifted and organising various tasks in my life.

I have some good news. I’ve got a flat! Alhamdulliah, Allah the Alighty has granted both my husband and I a wonderful 1 bedroom flat. The rent is reasonable and hubby is using all his time to decorate. He loves it and we are both happy. JazakAllah khair to all your duas.

There are lots of things I want to buy and have decided to go for a beige and chocolate brown theme with a twist of white, black and cream. The bedroom is green and yellow. I re-did the original colours of the bedroom, as I wanted to express my colourful side in one of the rooms. These colours seemed the best. I think I need to buy some useful boxes or cupboards to create room for all my clothes and bits and bob. Not much storage or general space so any advice? I ended buying a few abayas over the weekend. My sister recommended a shop, which sells beautiful abayas, and fortunately the sister was having a sale. I couldn’t resist. I spent more money than I should have!! Could have bought tables and chairs with it but I’m also trying to make an effort to feel and look gorgeous. I need to go and put some highlights in my hair! I used to go to the hair dresses every 8 weeks or when I felt depressed. Used to make me feel good for a few days but it never solved any problems. I was hoping naïvely, new hair- new life. How wrong was I?! Well, it felt like a good start for a bit and then the problems crept back in and the red highlights didn’t give me any inspiration on how to overcome them. If anything, they made me more silly! LOL

The next few months will probably be the most testing. InshaAllah, I will be starting IVF. I had the consultation with the doctor and I agreed with my husband I was ready to start the procedure asap. It’s going to be both an exciting and stressful time. The whole procedure will take 6 weeks. Please make dua that it’ll be successful!

Also, I’ve successfully applied for a new job! SubhanaAllah the baraka of Hajj has brought so many wonderful things. All the praise and thanks belong to Allah SWT. Allah the Almighty is so wonderful, caring and merciful. When one sabrs, one does get the reward from Allah SWT. I’m really happy with this new opportunity and InshaAllah, I will be doing policy work which should challenge me in new skills. Ameen. Please thank Allah in your duas for giving me and you all the rewards of life. I will of course do the same.

Cousin and the Cat.

Sweet cousins (who are brothers).

Tom and Jerry

The rest of the family (only joking)!