First Love

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During a person’s life time they maybe lucky to experience the joys of having and marrying their first love. It’s a wonderful and exciting feel which can take you to places like cloud 9! However, there are pitfalls of having a first love which can turn that experience into something of a nightmare. I would like to explore in this blog the idea of having a first love.

I like, many others have had a first love. It was exciting, new, liberating and explosive. I hadn’t really thought much of boys and wanted to keep my distance from them as I always believed they were more trouble than I could handle. However, once that feeling of wanting to be in love hit me it was something I didn’t want to let go. Unfortunately, I didn’t go about it in the right way. Even though he lived in a different country (which I am so grateful for) I kept the romance a secret for fear of what my parents may say and do. As you may have guessed they found out and it was quickly over. However, as a terrible consequence my relationship with my father changed forever. My father didn’t handle the situation very well. It took sometime before he comforted me about it when we were watching a documentary about arranged marriages in Islam. My father took the opportunity to snap at me and I remember wanting the earth to swallow me up. This experience has left a bruise in my heart which has meant I have been unable to watch T.V. with my father for the last 10 years! But I have to say this is more to with indecent programmes now!!

I feel that Allah has helped me realise over the years that my first love was not the most halal way of finding my soul mate. Allah has stipulated for a reason why we cannot have boyfriends or girlfriends! My grandmother told me of a Hadith which states that when a man and a woman are together (who are not married or a Mehram) then Shaitan (make Allah curse him) is the third person. He will try his best to force them to commit haram and he will not stop at nothing to succeeded! Alhamdula, Allah will give us a nudge of fear to get us out of that situation but sometimes we refuse to listen and then asgrafallah one has to suffer the consequence of their actions like falling pregnant.

We have to remember that marriage is half our deen and that Inshallah when you marry you will not have to live with the guilt of past mistakes of having experienced a haram relationship and also enjoy the fruits of being in a halah relationship! To be able to experience new and wonderful feelings is only really special when you are married, as you know that Inshallah they will further develop and, bring benefits like a child but more importantly that marriage can lead to Jina.

There is a clock within us that starts to blare loudly arousing our feelings for the opposite sex. If the feeling becomes too strong to handle and you are afraid of committing haram then that is the time to consider marriage!! Inshallah, by making the right intention and seeking Allah’s help the right person will come along but that doesn’t give you the excuse to sit at home waiting for your ‘knight in shining armour’ or your ‘beautiful princess’ to come swarming into your life. No, brothers and sisters – you need to make a concretive effort to make sure your expectations are REALISTIC and you create opportunities to find that special person. Opportunities like going to Islamic weddings, spreading the word through family and friends, attending Islamic talks and if all else fails going to the mosque and speaking to an Imam. I did that and he introduced me to a few respectable guys but they were not meant to be! One guy in particular made think more about how strong my imam was and whether I should start wearing the hijab. May Allah reward him for instilling these beneficial thoughts, which eventually lead me to search for someone who had a strong imam. I ended going back to my native home and that is where I found my husband. There is no shame in marriage and at the end of the day we all have a makatib (person written for us by Allah). A friend once told me that our souls have met the person we were destined to marry. Well, my soul was quite busy as I ended up marrying twice and Inshallah the second marriage is for life.

I pray to Allah that all my brothers and sisters marry a person who will strength their iman, love them for the sake of Allah and, are rewarded with children and Jina Fardous. Ameen.

A tip for everyone – When you are going to meet someone, please take a brother, sister, Mehram or good friend as you want to start the intention on an Islamic note and not let Shaitan (may Allah curse him) be the third person there. Inshallah that way you can be happy in the thought that you are in the right Islamic direction and possibly meeting you kindred spirit!

2 comments:

fashionista sister said...

mashallah wat good advice sister! alot of people have trouble going about finding a partner in the right way and its becoming a norm for muslims to become boyf/girlf before considering marriage which is not a good idea. thanks for the tips and may Allah bless u.

msa said...

really good entry-thanks for the advice