SABAR (Patience)

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There have been times in my life when I have made rash and impatient decisions in order to appease my heart. My lack of sabr has caused me more trouble then was worth and InshAllah through this blog I hope to help others and myself to see whether this pattern in my life can be changed.

My brash decision to go to ‘any’ university is possibly my earliest memory of my lack of sabr having a major impact on my life. I never thought the decision through with regards to which uni would be best for me and what my alternative were before I decided to go to uni. I needed first and foremost to appease my family in order to show them that I was going to uni to advance my education and career and live up to the dream of being a Solicitor. Secondly, I need to appease my hearts aching need to go to uni to finish my education and realise my dream of practicing law. Thirdly, I didn’t want others to be disappointed with me. One of my bad habits is caring too much about what other people think! This has to stop!! I felt like I had told the world I was going to become a Solicitor and I didn’t want the world to feel I was a failure or a liar. This has taken me almost six years to realise but I was going to uni for all the wrong reasons but I still have a long way to go before I can understand what this means and how best to move forward from this experience. Unfortunately, I still feel at times that I’m not ready for uni (even though I applied to do a Law degree this Winter) and that my critics would love it if I failed. I know I have to stop thinking like this as it hasn’t got me far and is making me want to run away from the situation even more. InshAllah, I can come to some conclusion to my answer and move on to making better decisions that are for ME.

After leaving uni – I needed something to mend my broken heart. I felt that it had taken so much out of me. I needed a quick fix to my problem and something that would give meaning to my life. Marriage seemed like the answer! It took a long time before my parents agreed and took me seriously but that wasn’t my problem. Unfortunately, my parents did not know anyone in UK that would be suitable for me so they suggested someone from Morocco. My first husband was part of the family but was not well known. Out of my desperation and pressure on my parents to find me someone asap, they agreed after meeting him that I should marry this guy. I didn’t get to know him and within a few days we had done our nikah. All seemed well at first and then the marriage broke down very quickly. I didn’t feel wanted by him and Shatan (may Allah curse him) aggravated my fears to the point that horrible rumours began emerging, which discredited my first husband.
Alhamdulillah, the marriage was only meant to last for a short time in order for me to get closer to Allah. I tried to learn from my mistakes but I still had the desperation of getting married and settling down. However, Allah wanted me to wait 2 years before I met and married my husband. Allah helped me realise that I needed to find a person who would make the marriage last and that was through having a strong deen. Allah answered my prayers and made me happy! (Thank you Allah for everything you have given me and will give me.)

I believe that its ok to feel the need to take prompt action about something especially when it comes to our feelings because if we don’t deal with them they may lead to us committing haram or denying ourselves something that could truly make us happy. Also, these feelings are normal and cannot be ignored as Allah has given it to us for a reason. What I don’t agree with is my approach of rushing into things. I’m still trying to find a balance of (I’m not going to use the word appease as that for me it provides a negative connotation which does not denote a good balance) fulfilling my desire and needs with sabr. I appreciate that it takes time to learn sabr but I feel like I’m on the other side of the spectrum of not having any or enough sabr! In one of my recent blogs, I talked about wanting a baby and I found out that my next course of treatment would be IVF. I was so heartbroken that not only did the clomid not work but that I had to go on to IVF. For some reason, I honestly believed that there were other treatments not as intrusive and more to do with helping the fertility system along still available to me. Also, the waiting list for NHS treatment for IVF is 2 to 3 years long. This leads me to think about ‘quick fix’ solutions and the one I came up with was adoption. I almost went through adopting my uncle’s baby! Alhamdulillah, I saw the long-term problems in this and re-evaluated my options. I’ve come to the point that alhamdula, I have a loving husband (InshAllah we stay in love for the sake of Allah) and that I need time to allow things to InshAllah happen naturally and also enjoy life more!!


Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

Aslamu alakum Big Sis
nice to see you back posting ,I hope you are well? , i was missing you?

Yes sabr sabr sabr subhanAllah really if anything i have learnt in life SABR is the key and may Allah bless you with it sister ameen. sometimes we plan but Allah has already planned ahead of us and He is the best of planners, remember in every hardship is blessing. Sometimes we want but Allah with holds it knowing it is not right for us at this time , yet we loose sabr and want it , trust Allah all will come to you Big sis when the time is right and Allah knows best. Hugsxx

Anonymous said...

Well!!! It was a very heart- warming post sweety. I am so glad that you are now more patient than you were yesterday. Being patient is one of the hardest thing to do, It kills you, Shaitan will try every possible thing to deviate you from it, but the one who hangs on to it, no matter what till the end, earns Allah's happiness. For Allah is with the one's who are patient.

I aint very patient, but i am. I tell you, It becomes very tough to be patient sometimes, .... All i pray is May Allah help every Muslim, Ameen

I ventured to your blog through Umm Salihah's ,if in case you are wondering ... ;-)


Big Sis said...

Jazakallah khair sisters for the messages - I believe too that sabr is the key to life and happiness. May Allah (TWT) bless us all with it. Ameen

Safiyyah said...

Salaams Sis:

I, too, suffer from a lack of sabr. It is my jihad.

iMuslimah said...

Assalamu alaykum ukhti-

Sorry for the absence, things have been a little bananas.

I for one, have a serious shortage of sabr, especially at work and with problem solving. Its something I need to work on so thanks for the reminder!

Re: IVF, don't give up hope, keep trying while you are waiting and inshallah something really beautiful will happen. I think adoption is a wonderful idea and a good option. Im sure it is not easy for you to gothrough this, as it seems in writing.

I wish you all the best, and May Allah bless you and your husband with something very special, Ameen.

Salams :)

iMuslimah & Co.