Adoption

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I’ve just come back from a trip to Morocco that has left me slightly exhausted but has managed to fulfil a certain whole in my heart!

The purpose of my trip was two folds. Firstly, to see whether I could adopt a baby and fulfil my ambition of being a mother and also gain a wonderful hasana from Allah (TWT). Secondly, my grandmother was becoming seriously ill and I wanted to see whether I could help her out.

I did some research on the adoption procedure and the main issue was getting a Home Study Report from the UK. Unfortunately, British law lacks the compassion and drive to help couples adopt more easily and quickly. There are stringent procedures local authorities must follow which include having to intrude and investigate almost every aspect of a couples life before approval can be give to adopt a child. However, the chances of approval are not very high and can take up to a year to get this report. However, as a Muslimah, what brings me comfort in circumstances beyond my control is the fact the if Allah wants me to have something then no one can take it away from me. I just need to keep reminding myself of this.

I wanted to keep the purpose of my trip private due to the sensitive natures involved. However, once my aunt found out, it didn’t take long for the whole family to know. Allah (TWT) gave me a sense of peace because I had nothing to be ashamed of as only Allah (TWT) can give me a child. My family were supportive of my situation and reminded that I should sabr as I am still young and Allah (TWT) would grant me my own child. However, my feelings on this subject had become deep in that I wanted to adopt a child and show it love. I also wanted this feeling to bring me closer to Allah (TWT). I have to say that I did feel I was rushing into things in that I needed to prepare more before adopting a child as the suit case of baby clothes, dummies, a pram, baby car seat and love was not enough. However, I wanted to explore my options and let Allah lead me to the straight path.

Before I left I had a silly plan of how I would bring the baby over but part of me believed that it would be haram even though my intentions were honourable. So, I wanted to make sure I did everything the halah way. Within 2 days of my arrival in Morocco, I arranged with my Uncle to visit the adoption agency to see what documents were needed to adopt a child. The procedure seemed straightforward in that the couple had to be married, working, have a place to live and no criminal records. The papers would then be forwarded to the Court for approval and this would have taken a few months. Then the exciting bit happened, I was escorted to the orphanage to meet the children. I met 2 baby girls, 4 baby boys, 5 male toddlers, 1 handicapped boy and a 5 year old girl. It was wonderful! The first child I met was Aniss. He was a 6 month old boy who was crying in a pram. As soon as I ran up to him and lifted him up he stopped crying and started smiling and hugging me. It was such a beautiful moment. His smile lit up my heart and caused my whole body to smile. It was a blessing from Allah (TWT). I didn’t want to let him go but I also wanted to hug the other babies. They were all beautiful with their own sad stories. Aniss in particular was left under a tree to die before a stranger found him and took him to the orphanage. One of the baby’s was left at the orphanage by his mother who had suckled him for a few weeks and realised that without a father she could not financially take care of him. The carers at the orphanage begged her to take her son and even cried when she left, as they knew that the baby had bonded with its mother, which would leave him with a pain greater than the other babies. When I met this particular baby, it was still evident that there was some pain left within him even after a few months of being in the orphanage because when I put him down he started crying. He was anxious to be held, loved, wanted and cuddled. May Allah grant him and all orphans peace and a wonderful life.

My final stop in my investigation to adopt a child was at the British Embassy in Tangier. I wanted to see whether there was a more straightforward way of bringing a baby over without the need for a Home Study Report. Apparently, if Morocco had signed the Hague Convention then there was a possibility that I would not need this report. My hopes for adopting a child came to an end at the Embassy as there was no short cuts or easy solutions but to get this report. The Embassy did advice me to go ahead with the adoption and leave the baby with my family until I received the report. That was too horrible of a solution for both the baby and I. I would never have been able to tear myself away from my baby. However, I was not too heartbroken, a bit sad, a few tears but a sense of relief that I had gone about things the right way. InshAllah when I am ready I will try to get this report and adopt a child. I had at least tried.

This trip did have its ups and downs. However, the downs are overshadowed by the fact that I had a positive experience meeting these kids on several occasions even once with my husband. He found it too painful to return, as one child didn’t want to let him go when he left the orphanage. One of the sad things that is happening is the 2 baby girls I had met were adopted within a matter of weeks of arriving at the orphanage where as the boys and older children are finding it hard to be adopted. One theory is people’s genuine fear that the boys will turn out to be rebellious and less supportive than the girls especially when they discover that they have been adopted. I have to admit that my family persuaded me to adopt a girl. It didn’t take much persuasion as I have two brothers who I would have to say are not exactly the most easiest to have brought up and that is putting it mildly!!

The trip has also helped me realise that in time I will become a mum and that I should enjoy what Allah has given me now. Having a child is a huge responsibility. It is both mentally and physically draining. A friend of mine brought over her 20-day-old baby boy for me to take care of. I feed him, put him to sleep, changed him and basically didn’t want to put him down. He was so adorable. I loved every minute of it. However, the big test came at night. The night feeds were really hard and I kept worrying about whether he was comfortable enough and cot death (even though he was not sleeping in a cot!). His mum did sleep in the same room as me in case I needed some help but really she was fantastic as she left it all to me and trusted me to know what to do. Funny thing was, I was so desperate for him to stay awake so I could play with him that typically at 3am he wanted to play with me. I ended having to catch up on my sleep the next day. How pathetic! I was kind of relieved when they went home the next day, as I didn’t have the energy to take care of him nor the heart to leave him alone. I enjoyed the experience though and InshAllah I will get to experience looking after my own baby soon.

If anyone is considering adopting then go for it as the rewards are massive and remember how much goodness and benefit that you will InshAllah bring to that child.

Remember that for every orphan’s head you stroke, Allah (TWT) will grant you a hasana. May Allah (TWT) guide us all to the straight path and help the orphans lead a successfully happy Islamic life.

10 comments:

iMuslimah said...

Assalamu alaykum ;) and welcome back from your trip.

Mashaallah this is a wonderful post; it is uplifting and filled with hope and reflects whats going on your heart!

I hope inshaallah your path to motherhood is as easy as possible. May Allah grant you the best of rewards for your intention to provide love and support to an orphan.

I think your strength of faith has allowed you to process your emotions in the most beautiful and honest way, and reminds me that Allah swt ALWAYS provides us for, so we shouldnt worry- we should let His love and destiny for us to remove any burdens.

Thank you so much for sharing such a private and sensitive issue. You are certainly in my dua's.

iMuslimah

Safiyyah said...

Salaams Sis:

Oh dear sister! It will all turn out well, Insha Allah! Don't you worry!

Did you see the issue of Al-Jumuah magazine when they did a piece on adoption in Islam? It was a nice article.

Until your baby arrives (however he/she arrives!), take this time to prepare for the transition. And be good and easy to yourself.

I'll make dua for you.

Caminante said...

Assalamu `alaykum sis,
I am a future adopter insha'Allah and I just wanted to give you the heads up because it DOES take a LOT of time and it can be emotionally draining.
I thought I'd be able to time the adoption with the birth of my biological child (so they would be sort of "twins" and so I could breastfeed them both with no problems) but that was obviously too idealistic.

Start doing the paperwork, and start READING books about adoption. Also, it'd be way better if you breastfeed the child since then he/she will become you and/or your husband's mahram and so no one will have to keep hijab around the house. So you also need and probably go to a doctor/nurse that knows how to start breastfeeding without having been pregnant.

And remember, adopting a child is a very serious thing, it's a life commitment. It's not just going baby-shopping and finding a cute baby and picking him up and taking him home. It's a hard, difficult process, you might not get exactly what you want, etc. That's why, from my experience, it's better to first read about adoption, what to expect, etc, etc. and then sit down with your husband and seriously decide if this is for you two. If it is, then get ready for the battle and at least a year of paperwork and LOTS of interviews!

Whatever you decide, may Allah swt bless your family and make it easy for you!

Miss Muslimah said...

Salaaam Sis,

This was such a beautiful post,masha'allah.
May Allah grant you success in adopting soon and may He grant you ease-- Ameen.

Big Sis said...

JazakAllah khair to you ALL for your beautiful posts and support. May Allah bless you all and InshaAllah I have my own baby and I would love to adopt too. There is something special and unique an orphan brings into your life which is unexampleable and hence from Allah. I felt it for a brief moment when I was holding those orphans and may Allah give you all a chance to experience this feeling.

ammena said...

masha'allah I pray it all works out for you sis.. I too am looking at this option for the future. I would love to adopt a child possibly 2 insha'allah after I am married. I would so love to take an older child as I know the longer a child is in an orphanage the harder it is to find someone to take the child. But then u have to think about the relationships between them and your own family. They wont have been breastfed by you, therefore islamically they would not be classed as your child, so you would have to wear hijab infront of the boys, or the girls would have to infront of your husband and your sons. Allahu alim... insha'allah it works out for us all, please keep me up to date on this

blue said...

Assalamualaikum wr wb Sis,

May Allah swt continues to shower His blessings and favours upon you.

May Allah swt grant you courage, perserverance and istiqamah in facing all your challenges.

Take care and God bless!

Nice blog Sister..

I'm from Singapore :)

Big Sis said...

Jazakallah blue for you beautiful comments and dua.

Anonymous said...

a really well written blob, thank you for sharing , inshallah the orphans will find a home soon

Adventurous Ammena said...

salam, I know this is an old post and I have already commented on it. However, I wanted to know if you have seen my recent blog on adoption? 'From Morocco, with Love' its entitled... It might help insha'allah